Choosing My Hard

Choosing My Hard

Trusting and waiting is hard.

Staying focused and motivated is hard.

Choosing joy is so hard sometimes.

Maybe it’s a woman thing. Maybe it’s what happens when you find yourself staring up the mountain of purpose and see your dreams looming down at you, seemingly impossible to reach.

But you know what else is hard?

Killing your heart with self-doubt.

Forgetting God’s promises for you.

Destroying your worth and purpose with fear.

They might be easy to do but they sure are hard on the heart.

I’ve been unexpectedly vacant from my farmhouse social media which is a big, “no-no” when you’re trying to operate social media as a business. Every blog or business development workshop you attend will tell you that consistency is key. People won’t know you exist if you don’t give them something to look at, after all.

But then there’s strategies on specifics: specific times of the day to post, how many times in a day or week to post, posting on your stories, using your business stats, the list goes on and on…..

It overwhelms me.

I want this to be an honest place for myself and for my followers. Here’s the honest truth about the reasons why you haven’t really heard from me lately:

  • There is life to be lived and I need to enjoy the moment entirely by putting down my phone. I’m just not good at being intentional and telling my followers what is happening.
  • I start to post something and then delete it because I don’t want to fall victim to vanity by seeing how many “likes” and follows it will give me.
  • My heart is in this entirely, but sometimes it takes more effort than I feel like I can handle to pursue even the things I am very passionate about.

I want substance. I want quality. I want honesty. I want vulnerability in everything I put out here for you guys.

The problem comes when I fill my mind with fear and doubt and guilt. When this happens, I tend to isolate myself. This makes it hard for even the most enthusiastic person to stay focused and motivated on the tasks I need and want to accomplish.

To top it off, it feels like it has been impossible to find someone to relate to.

I’m not a mom so it feels like I can’t relate to any of my friends at the moment because they keep their timeline busy being a mother. My husband’s career is busy and booming and while that makes my heart so happy for him, he also doesn’t quite understand what this feels like either. So it’s really easy to feel alone with these thoughts.

After a much needed phone conversation with one of my closest friends, she reminded me of a simple truth that I continually forget:

I’m not alone.

Jesus is with me every day, even on the days that I choose to ignore him. I am loved. I am understood. I am blessed. I am here in this waiting season for a reason. Nothing is meaningless. Nothing is circumstantial. It is all to bring me closer to Him.

I have come to realize that I have a choice to make on how I want to set my mindset for the day, the week, the year and for the rest of my life.

That might be the biggest sigh of relief: I get to choose.

So, it’s time. It’s time to choose which hard is worth fighting for today.

I no longer choose doubt and guilt and fear. I am choosing joy, hope and determination. It’s going to be hard every day to remember that I can make that choice, but that is far better than the alternative hard.

The following is a quote I read yesterday in a Desiring God article that really helped me. I invite you to read the article for yourself as well. It’s called, “When God Calls You Out.”

“This is the truth that resounds in the depths to which God calls us. He invites us to step out and follow him. To dream. To plan. To build. He invites us to put our hands to work for his name’s sake, not based upon our expertise or know-how or giftedness. He invites us here based upon who he is himself.” -Jonathan Parnell.

-Kelsey

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